Today I have a bit of a different kind of post I want to deal with… a not so positive rant. A darker look into the entertainment world. So if you don’t like the “oh no I’m chasing my dreams and it’s not good enough” rants then I suggest closing this page down.
You see… I’ve only ever posted the good stuff on here. The positives and the wins of my career all in an attempt to look professional and like I’m on top of it all. For the most part it has worked. Most of you who see all the illusion keep congratulating me on every new-found success.
The truth is… you only see the tip of the iceberg. The few days in my year that are truly great and what I live for. But today was not one of those days.
Today was a difficult day for me. A day when I stepped out of my dream world and faced reality head-on. I’m 25, single, living with my parents, have an almost non-existing acting career and have failed at most attempts to run a side business. All I wanted to do today was run away from my problems, leave my life behind and start over somewhere else.
See no one tells you how difficult it’s going to be to chase your dreams and try and do what most people think is impossible. The days where you are unsure of yourself. The days where you have no idea where your next bit of income will come from… or the days where you have to do demeaning jobs just so you can stay afloat and chase your dreams.
Days like these I can’t help to wonder if I haven’t wasted my entire existence on this “dream” that actually feels more like a nightmare most of the times.
The only things in life I’ve ever wanted was to act and to be independent and those are the things that seem most out of reach at this moment. I can’t help but to battle with depression at times like these. Is it really all worth it?
When I look back at the things I’ve achieved I truly am astonished at how far I’ve actually come. But right now in this moment, reality is overshadowing my vision.
Anyway I thought I should just share something straightforward from the heart. True. No sugar coating. It’s not easy swimming against the stream. Especially not when you look around you and everyone else seem to be heading forward when you’re still stuck in a rut.
Just thought you should know that the highs are very high but at the same time the lows are very low…
Joy comes in the morning.